Have you ever wanted to feel what it is like to have fibromyalgia? Do not? Je, me neither. But I have come to know the ins and outs of this very well (certainly better than I ever wanted) and I should be able to inform you enough of my experiences so that you have a better understanding of anyone in your life that may have a chronic, painful illness or other health problems. So take a deep breath and get ready to try something new. A trip through my eyes, if you want.
Remember the last really serious sunburn you had, the one that makes you aware of every inch of your skin? It was stinging everywhere, it felt tight and hot. Allow yourself to feel it now: imagine that you have a narrow sensitivity and a feeling of bewilderment at each touch that extends to each part of your skin. Now everyone can feel the seams on their clothes and they are even very aware of where they touch their fingers and the folds of skin on their elbows and knees. The collar of his shirt is tight and the waist of his pants. uncomfortable, claustrophobic.
But touch is not the only sense that increases. The sounds are beginning to get stronger than it seems absolutely necessary and, often, unpleasant. When you are driving, the lights may seem too bright and, sometimes, shine unexpectedly. You have to drive much more carefully at night: suddenly, the headlights seem to be out to catch you. The smells are too strong and those that were once pleasant, or the foods that seemed delicious or simply indifferent, are now vile and, sometimes, completely out of place, are simply nauseating.
Have you ever had the flu? That nasty season type that makes you feel so sore that even after taking four Motrin, can you still feel all your skeleton? If you have is a useful reference. If not, rejoice and keep vaccinating against the flu! Imagine waking up with that painful heavy feeling one day, only that it is alarmingly worse than normal. Moan to yourself, think, “Well, that flu shot did not work” and sighed, hoping it would go away after a week or so, like it did the last time. Only after two weeks, three, do you start worrying. And then, it gets worse. Start making your limbs heavy, tired. Like the feeling of walking in the sand, you may forget a few days that you do not have the energy that you used to use and that exaggerates, only to pay the energy debt for two or three days in bed. These days, and on some random days without any foreseeable reason other than the cruel sense of humor of fate, you can wake up with only the energy to get up, get dressed and eat.
The partner of chronic fatigue and pain is something called “brain fog”, which sounds silly. It is not. It can make you feel silly and ashamed, and try to hide it and laugh as if nothing. But your keys can end up in the freezer, the milk could go in the closet, and you will find yourself in a random room in your house looking at the wall and wondering: “What would you do now?” Four times a day. Shopping is a joke, even if it is much more … capricious now. You touch all the fabrics of the clothes to see if they are soft enough and you tell your spouse: “Oooh, feel this towel!” Do not worry, they’ll get used to it. My husband has to remind me what I was looking for every time he distracted me with the damn sales stickers or nice towels … A goal is a dangerous place.
But believe it or not all of this, until the last bit, pales in comparison to the pain. It will become your best friend, your new and constant companion. Some days it’s tolerable, and it just makes everything a little brighter and the corners of your eyes a little tighter. It makes her temperament quick, but she has a good handle on things (just do not ask her husband what he thinks). Other days, well … those days we do not like to think so much. Some of them will be spent looking for distractions, such as books and movies. You probably know theaters with comfortable seats, because those that are uncomfortable are the ones you can not go to anymore. In the other of these days, the bad guys, you could pretend that you do not exist.
I know I have painted a rather grim picture here, and one that may or may not believe is exaggerated. Whether you do it or not, it probably has a lot to do with whether you have had experience with chronic pain or with someone who has it. But I’ll tell you something else you can believe or not, and that’s what I’m grateful for my fibro. He taught me more about me and life than anything else I have ever experienced.
I never knew how soft my Yorkie’s fur was before, nor how charming the smell of rain after smog would be. I could not appreciate the music of the rain on the roof when I closed my eyes after a long day. There is a balance that is in pain, for me, when I look for it.
Via- El Poderoso.